We could open up

Suicide- The various aspects might be heading these blogs for awhile. But I'm going to figure out. Is it ironic that I want to help those who feel as empty and dead as I do, when I grow up? If I grow up?

Many people view suicide as cowardice and if you look at it as running from problems, sure. It's cowardly. It's weak. But then there's the planning of suicide and if you have a vivid imagination, thinking of 1001 ways to kill yourself can get pretty...gory. Even further down the line there's the act of suicide. I cried for a good hour before I took my...medicine. It's numbing once you get so far as to "do it". And the only thing that can stop it is someone else, because your life seems to no longer be your own, out of your control. The people I sent that message to? Those were the only people I knew wouldn't shun me if I lived, the only people I trusted to not make a scene, the only people had any affect on my life who would have an effect now.

Reaching out for help? I don't think that's cowardly at all. Why bring it up all, right? No one wants to hear that. No one cares. Excuses. We all know it isn't right for people to want to kill themselves. We all know it's a sign something inside isn't right. And the mass majority of people, as noble as they claim to be, would rather suicidal, depressed, bipolar people just keep their insanity to themselves. Not a chance. Let's start with something basic.

Mutilation is an outlet, in most cases. People who have been interviewed for the creation of A BRIGHT RED SCREAM by Marilee Strong say cutting helps the pain lessen, because in their wounds, the frustration is flowing out and their not keeping it inside. I think that applies to suicide and depression as well. If there is an outlet present, then there isn't a backlog of negative thoughts. If it can all "flow" then anyone trying to see inside can help.

What some people might think, "You tried to kill yourself once, like you know how it feels. You're probably some hyper little teenager just trying to get attention and this is the lamest way to get it. It's sick. High school is just a phase, it'll end and you'll go on to have a life. So you read a bunch of books on suicide and psychological disorders and know you think you know them? Stop playing around and grow up."

I'm not doing it for attention. I only thought that because I was afraid of other people thinking that. But I know I'm not. And that's all that matters. Again the thoughts going through my mind, were not of high school and my peers, so guess again. And for my choice of reading, if any they help me.
What about you? What's inside your depths?