You're trying to trick me

I didn't know I was annoying people. I'm just way too

obsessive?
clingy?
needy?

one of those things. Maybe that's why I'm so uninteresting. I give too quickly and it's no like anything will change within the day, the week, the month, the year. So why stay? I don't know. I thought I was doing something right and I guess, like always, I was wrong....

mmm, where will I put all my morbid thoughts now? They won't disappear. That's a part of me that can't change. I've tried. But that's the part that people don't like. I don't get it. If I hide it, there's no substance to what I'm saying, the persona I'm displaying. If I share it, too often anyway or even at al right?, then people back away. I'm not trying to please people directly, but by pleasing myself, I sort of please people (because we're sharing in each other's happiness or something like that) and then by pleasing people I please myself more. I'm sort of dependent on people. All people, pretty interesting people especially.

Benefits to being myself:
Honesty with myself and those around me
Happy that I can be so confident to wear such outrageous make up
Some level of confidence in facing the world.
Insomnia (have to take pills to sleep)
No panic attacks

Disadvantages:
Winning less and losing more people
Panic attacks at least every two weeks
Paranoia
Hypersomnia (I slept more when I was stressed out)
Low self-esteem
Lying to make people happy


They seem equal in my eyes. So the question is, Do I want my health to be at risk for the instant gratification that comes with people being happy with me?

I think I do.
I have to hide me.
Like old times.
So this should be no problem.