I need your arms around me. I need to feel your touch.

I look at the people I am close to, the people who want me to come visit, the people who want me to move in with them, people who like my company. And then I look at the people that don't.

I can understand why they don't like me. It's not the them not being my friend part that bothers me. It's the look how happy they are with other people, look how happy they make each other. Ick. It inspires a gross feeling of regret. That if I hadn't made some choices in my life I would have those people by my side instead of others. But then I look at what those people stand for, what those people write, where those people are going with their lives and I wouldn't have been nearly as happy, as strange, as pleased with myself as I am now. I would be someone else that might be floating through life, instead of escaping the rules of logic entirely and showing people a world of my own design.

I've come to terms with some people having to leave my life, they go on to have their own and I was just a phase, a stepping stone. I was and hopefully will be a memory. I like that. I like being remembered. But there are people I couldn't stand to let go of and would fight sharpened fang, and over dramatic nail creations for. There are five people like that in my life now. There used to be more, there used to be less.

In my heart, I no longer belong to this town the way I did freshmen year, or sophomore year. In my heart I'm already gone. I'm going through the motions and except for a few brief touches from people who remind me that I do still exist in this plane, (Keeley, Mika, Tara) I'm looking from a dark room through a cold window. Past the glass are brightly colored people, smiling, dancing, stressing, living. On my side of the glass, in my small room, there is no end to what's behind me. It's not dark because it's scary or foreboding. The future is unclear at the moment, waiting to be lit up by the choices I have yet to make. I'm no longer sad on my side of the glass, I can smile knowing my future is coming, slowly, but coming nonetheless. I am learning to wait and take things for whatever they are.

Can you feel it? We are so close to the end of our journey in this town. We are going to leave and make something of ourselves, all of us. I've picked all the right people to make my future glitter, I've decided who I'm keeping. And I can assure you, wholeheartedly, whatever our futures hold, I am not letting you go, I will not let you destroy yourself. So close

Cake- Never There