Think of it this way

I could get mad. I could be really annoyed with the fact it seemed like you never wanted to be happy with anyone else but you and even then I was a disappoint despite not having even said a word yet. I could be relieved that I no longer have to deal with your nonsense and jealousy but the first time it happened I should have said fuck off and/or good-bye. I wanted to.

But I didn't. Why?

Why did I fight for you even when I was barely conscious? Why did I text you just to see if you text back? Why did I block you for no apparent reason? The list goes on.

I hate blaming things on my age. But it's part of the reason I don't have the experiences you've had, or the common sense you do. I'd like to, I'd love to learn half the things you know. I was raised by people who decided trial and error was the best method for teaching children. Extreme punishment (or so I find) when a mistake was made despite there being no prior knowledge of the degree of wrong that just occurred. I learn fast, but I make a lot of mistakes. I'm so unaware of so many things that I don't even know where to start to attempt to fill the void of knowledge. I guess answering the questions would be a start.

"Fight for you" meaning try and convince you I'm not a total failure, just a note. If I were a total failure then why would you have stayed even though you already made up your mind to drop me? Did I or did I not prove my worth when I made an effort for you? I texted you to see if you would text back because I was curious to see if you would. Why? Because you act and think (to some extent) frighteningly similar to my old boyfriend. The other guy I actually loved. I wanted to see if you would just cut me off like he did. Curiosity. The other more recent issue, blocking you. I thought you were getting sick of me, so I would leave. Why? Because I was getting too attached to you, and it was unhealthy for me. Why? Because there would be a point I would need your constant attention, I couldn't do without it. Hmm...

But I'm younger than you, and that's why I couldn't have you anymore. That's wrong. I couldn't have anymore as what you were. So I took care of it. I destroyed it, even though it hurt me in turn. It had to be done. So forget these past two months. It's easier that way. Because then I can maintain the veil, and you won't feel a thing for me. I haven't changed. I still feel the same way I did when I first heard of you. You've already done it. I can tell. I know how you feel, and that's good enough for me.

AFTER: I'll just go on lying, painting different masks to catch the attention of different people. But I promise I won't feel a thing for them and I have a tendency to keep my promises.