Love how we hold back nothing

Love how we hold back nothing
Part of it is to provoke you. You disappoint me, you hurt me, you ignore me. But I never lash out when I hurt. I usually get sad, dwell, grow numb to it, and then let you know I'm ticked. Because for some reason I can't be legitimately enraged and crying my eyes at the same time. I just don't do it.

Part of it is because you have promised me something and you didn't keep it. You probably never said the words "I promise you...whatever." But there are certain things you expect of me, and everyone in particular moments. Right? When someone says they'll do something for you, you expect them do it, right? *sigh* who knows. It seems like every trace of the simple things a person does because it is polite and proper has been drained out of this place. I expect so much, and give so many chances. Why do I bother?

Part of it is because I'm mad at someone else. And you're getting a message meant for them, but I can't find the backbone to send it to them. Words, feelings, thoughts have to have a place to escape. If you keep them bottle up inside, it's dangerous. If I kept it locked up inside, I'd probably yell at my teacher. Or my friends.

It's all part of the learning process I guess. There are some parts of ourselves we simply cannot escape, outrun, grow out of. More importantly, you learn the most and the feel the most when the thing that you treasured turns around to stab you in the chest.

So no one keeps their word.
Everyone is temporary.
And you will always be disappointed.

I wish that weren't the way it looked.