Thick Glass, Distorted Reflections

I'm pretty sure I won't be remembered when I die, which is the only thing I want out of life. To be remembered, to be loved. But I'm a freak. As the oldest child, I don't live up to the hype. As the grandchild to a legacy, I'm a disappointment. And although my body is wonderful, I don't have the face or personality to match. I love nothing more than being proved wrong, getting gifts, and meeting new people. I don't like ice cream, pie (except pumpkin) and eat frosting out of the tin. I eat till I'm about ready to throw up, and it's because I like tasting food, chewing, swallowing. Sometimes I don't eat for days. I can't make myself show emotions I don't actually feel, and I can't ( or won't) hide any of mine. I'm a jealous person. I'm violently impulsive. I smoke because it feels like coming home, but lately I want to smoke less. I don't ever take my phone with me when I smoke, unless I don't have a choice. I hate driving. I hate opening up to people who will just try and judge me, instead of accept me. I'm pretty sure people just think I'm full of shit, so therefore I think I'm full of shit. I hate people who tell other people that they aren't special, that they aren't unique. Because everyone has something that makes them, them. And just because traits are similar, how they got those traits aren't. The combination of traits will never repeat itself. Sometimes people just need to be told they are original, and all the pretenious fucks- it doesn't even matter. I bite my nails. I fidget and break things all the time. I read fast, I never forget a book. Imitation without a slight variation sickens me. I don't eat a lot of fruit or vegetables, except olives, mushrooms, and grapes. I can finish two liters of soda within an hour. If I'm upset, I take a pill of imiphram. If I can't get a pill, I smoke a lot till my throat hurts. If I can't smoke, I cry, and yell at the people I'm not mad at. My biggest fears are rejection and the dark. I'm paranoid.

Sometimes this doesn't feel like me at all.