Just another day being Z

So I'm working on my essays into the colleges that make me moist thinking about going there. I completely underestimated this whole write about yourself business. So I will be calling on people to assist me in filling out my brag sheet. Lol.

My so-called best friend looks more like an idiot with every passing day. I only feel in a position to judge because compared to her, I'm less of a bitch. Okay, I'm less of an obnoxious bitch. (Because we all know I could make you cry if I wanted to). I can make anyone feel like a star and ensure people have the time of their lives. I'm always up to try something new, and will hardly ever say "that's weird" or "we'll look silly". I do things because I want to do them, not because it's look cool or because my friends want to. My experiences are my choices, and I won't fake a good time, (just restrain myself from ruining it for everyone). I don't know. Ever since I tried to kill myself, there's been a gap growing between us. She doesn't know me, and she'll never understand me because she has to be right all the time. I'm willing to see that I might be hypocritical on some points, but not from her. I'll tolerate anyone else telling me about me, except her. *sigh* Feels good to get that out.

Should I stay or should I go? Part of me wants to stay in dinky little town with cookie cutter people and continue with my iffy existence, while the other half wants to leave and take the risk of not having anything in the oh so near future. I'm afraid if I leave, my family will disown me. I'm afraid if I'll stay that I'll be unhappy even though there isn't really any reason to stay here... Decisions, decisions. Though I could go Miami and attend some school there. My family has a house there, so it's not like I'm really leaving. Why does this have to be SO HARD?

Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day. I have tons of work to do and I know how to get it all done...but I don't have the energy. In the end I'll suck it up, pull it all off with time to spare while looking...peculiar, but right now?

Right now I'm going to whine.