I just did something very dangerous today and I'm still high off it. I took apart my laptop, which was highly entertaining for no reason at all. If engineering runs in the blood, I hope my kids get it, because be turned on at how amazing technology is awesome.
How would I want to die? Drowning is my first choice, but not in the ocean, I don't want little fishies nipping at my body parts. Hanging is just gross, suffocation, disinterests me, and slice up my body is something I can't do. I tried cutting. I honestly do not believe that all of the people who cut themselves are suicidal, I think some do it for the fad, the exclusive club of being a cutter. That's probably where this whole wanting to understand people's pain but not experience it thing came from. (Laptop computers can be dangerous toys). So technically it goes much farther than doing it because everyone else is doing it. The thing is I can't cut myself. I have moments where I do pick up the nearest sharp object and hold it, but then reflex kicks in and says "stop" so I spend three hours in the morning crying because
1) I am depressed, that much is obvious
2) I so weak, I can't even get shots, they have to hold me down....
Do I want it to be public? Do I want someone to witness it? Do I want someone to die with me? No, I haven't done anything to deserve such...options...
Is it better to die at fourteen, than nineteen? Is it better die old than young? Sad or happy? I find myself expecting to die at every turn. A car accident when I'm in a car, an earthquake when I least expect that throws me off some stairs at the mall and I plummet to my death, someone to rape me, which I think I deserve. For some weird and unexplainable reason I'm such a bad person, I deserve to be raped.
The horrors that lie inside small packages are equal as terrifying as the things we see when we open our mind. The name of this horror...? Muffins, bitch, muffins.
title: Be Your Own Pet- You're A Waste
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment