I guess the only person who understood my feelings and shared them was a boy in my French class. We fought constantly, said we hated each other, but there was something else there. Talking about things like suicide and killings were nothing we had to hide from. And the value of art in such acts, the understanding in what and why people did things. He was(is) the closest thing I have to someone even being remotely like me. Everyone else it's an act. It's an unconscious act of dumbing myself down, and hiding myself from people who maintain a healthy position in society. The glimpses I give are morbid and bordering suicidal, and at times insanity. I can honestly say I don't have any real friends.
Or am I just lying to myself because it makes me stressed and stress is what fuels me?Probably. It's like having multiple people inside your body, your mind, ONe wants to do this, feel this, another wants to do the right thing regardless of being hurt, a third wants to kill itself, and it goes on. At one point I gave them names. Lol. no life.
"are you with me or not at all?"
Title: Nerd- spaz
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2 comments:
I Write Stories...
When are you going to email me so I have a name for you?
In Psycology, there is a name for the three 'Persons' in you. It is not psycotic, if that is what you thought I was going to say.
It is called "Tricotomy".
To understand this, I want to look at it in two ways. One is from Sigmund Freud. He called them "Id", "Ego" and "Super Ego".
The Id, is that part of a person which is self gratifying and lustful. It only wants for itself.
The Ego, is kind of like a metiator. It is concerned with self. It is aware of self and responsible for self. This is the part that says, "If I put my hand on the hot stove, it is going to burn me. So, I will not do that".
The super ego wants to enforce what the ego is going to do correctly. It is like having a police officer watch you pick up a candy bar off of a shelf, thinking, now I have to pay for this. And the officer stands there watching to make certain you do pay for it.
The other way, I want to look at what yourself and every other person in the world experiences in life is: Child, Adult, Parent.
The child like Freud's Id is selfish. The Adult, like Freuds ego wants to be responsible, but must oppress the id or the child. The Parant is looking at the Child in the adult and says "You know how to do the right thing. Make me happy and do it".
I need your reply before I say any more on this, sir.
Delicious. Tell me more. Though I do not agree with Freud's teachings. And the last line struck me as odd.
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