wants

I want:

*to fix/ get a new laptop
*get photo editing software
*to make an music album
*bring my grades up to c's before quarter
*get a juicy bag
*dress up for alice in wonderland
*get a new ipod
*come up with something to do in lieu of graduation
*manage my time better
*go see cirque du soleil

yep.

Waking up

I miss the summer. I miss smoking in the summer, the freedom of the summer, and the fun that came with summer. Any other season I feel confined, almost restless with responsibilities I didn't choose.

I don't like how school made the summer so significant. If anything I would have cherished the fall more without it, and found the winter to be refreshing. Instead of daunting and icky and horrible. I guess because it's school and there are many other demands wanting to be answered, we don't pay attention to ourselves as we should. Then the summer comes and we see a lot of other people's repressed parts and we're realize we don't want what we thought we wanted and then we are born anew just in time for school to start.

So our lives only really mean anything to us in the summer. The thought of it plays like some weird high school movie in my head. Hmm...

But now I'm graduating. Free to choose the responsibilities I can commit to and want of myself. That's why I chose to go college. Because I want to. My father even said I could drop out as long as I had plan of what to do with my life. Daddy ain't raise no bums. But this is my decision and that's makes me incredibly happy.

Good bye old friends! Good bye old school! Good bye old homes! Good bye dinky little town!

I think I'm afraid though. That in all my excitement I'm throwing away the things I really need. Like a family close by, friends down the street, but I never existed here. I was always off dreaming of the summer to come.