Miranda the Zune

Expectations
I guess I'm not allowed to have expectations of people anymore. Take it as it comes right? I clearly don't live up to people's expectations of me and I don't really have any of other people. But wait. I do. When people disappoint me, I expected them to. When I go after something, I expect that I'll fail. So my entire life and approach towards my life has been nothing but expectations. No wonder I'm unhappy, I've just been making a scene running in circles and throwing tantrums because little Z did not get what she want. But looking at it from another perspective: when people have expected me to react badly to something, I surprise them. Maybe you're life is built around expectations and you're just as wrong as I am. The difference between the two of us is that I'll try to find things in people and accept of them, you'll never change. Will you?

Annoyance
Want to know an awful truth about me that won't be true in the very near future? My friends unexpected (on my part) happiness does not make me happy. In fact it makes me quite miserable. Do you know why? And it's only partly because I'm an attention whore. Or maybe it's because I'm totally an attention whore. It makes me sad that their happiness almost puts a barrier between us. I'm almost afraid to ruin their happiness, so I'll accept the barrier and not talk to them until their happiness fades. Then when they're miserable and kind of in that inbetween happiness we'll talk and I'll push them to pursue their happiness. It's a cycle. Ha. Story of my life.

Which does not mean that you shouldn't tell me about your happy times. I'll just be a little sad and still very very happy for you nonetheless.

Smoking
Smoking is very important to me I just found. The feel of lighting up, the slow inhale filling my lungs and then the sweet exhale of the flavor sliding down my tongue. It's heaven in my tedious sheep filled hell. It calms me down like no other. I helps me focus when I'm under obnoxious amounts of stress and that's perfect. That's all I've ever wanted. Find me someone who can have that same effect on me and maybe I'll change my mind about marriage.

Tarot Reading 3/2/10

I'm in a state to learn new things, but I'm spending all my energy on fleeting excitement that doesn't give me the pleasure I actually need. Impulsiveness. I wonder who the Queen of Pentacles was in my past... I feel lucky... Relationship issues, but I don't think their mine. There's already been evidence of other people's relationships breaking down and I'm just reaping the benefits and helping where I can. This is the turning point, (duh, I'm turning 18...), women apparently or the feminine side of the male character are something I should be aware of...justice, and finally success.

hmm, go figure.