The Fears of an Ex-Romantic

A year ago I thought I was in love and I admit, I'm young and naive, especially in the matters of love. Even before high school, when we begin to grasp the affection, the sex, and the elegance of romance, we long for our happily ever after, our knight in shining armour or our princess with long hair and the other perfections. Until you've had your heart broken, not once, not even twice, ladies and gentlemen, but at least a dozen times can you finally stop labeling yourself as naive to love.

You'll know.

Not now.

Not tomorrow.

But you will certainly know.

For me, after the incident a year ago, a month long, pure infatuation that led to the crushing blow of reality, I was stupid.

I let my heart grow cold. And not just jaded, painfully icy. Where there is no such thing as romance, not even the most innocent forms, of preteens just having their first sip of the poison that is "love". I scoffed, I sneered. "Love? There is no love!" And this went on for about two months...okay, four.

I don't really remember what changed in the spring. Mayish-Juneish, you know that strange haze of a tranisition inbetween the solid months of seasons. Maybe my heart literally thawed out or more likely, I just got bored with being bitter.

My last year as a teenager, I am so entitled to get bored with things.

Or maybe the reality of love hit me.

Love is many strange and stupid and wicked thing. But it's also awesome, brilliant, and unforgettable.
It's an art and a mess, sometimes both. It will grow and it will fade, because it is human, in a way, like us.

I mean, don't we change? Our anger knows shades and degrees. If we can manage to pay attention to our annoyances and rages, we can even control it, at times. Is love any different?

Well, okay, yes and no. But here's what I learned in my something shy of twenty something years;

1. It hardly makes sense and you ruin it horribly if you rationalize it.

2. It's just as dangerous as it is fun. (Snakes, manipulation, etc. Even love follows laws of logic here.)

3. You don't always get what you give. (Whoever thought of this saying was incredibly optimistic.)

4. Blink and you'll miss it. If you never reach for the candy spilling from the pinata, you'll never have anything sweetie. (It's three in the morning, let me reach at these connections.)

5. Love is like a job, a family, a video game... you can't just get the real deal, the good stuff in the very beginning, your first relationship, no. You have to mess up, get hurt, hurt people and earn...I mean, learn what it means to you before you get even a clue what you really want. Trust me, it's going to hurt a thousand times worse for a million times longer and leave a scar a billion times worse than anything else. (Except for you know, the obvious. I.e. lobotomy....)



There's no escaping it. You have to go through all of the good and the bad and the ugly, it's like school. You hate it now, it retrospect you'll be grateful. Don't stomach it, fight it, hate it, and pick yourself back up even if it feels like the end of the world. Because it's not. If you need me to I can do the math that proves it is not the end of the world, for you, personally. I really don't mind. It works for my friends and strangers I  find in the strangest of places.

Love is a hell lot like everything else. It will be sucky and gross and sometimes, you can have it but you won't want it. Oh wait, I remember why I started all this nonsense....sorry.

Z:He's told me outright that will end, you know eventually. It's nothing...you know...happily ever after, he's the one.
J:So, just because you know when milk expires do you stop putting it in your coffee?
Z*mind blown*
J:No. You enjoy it until it's over, you forget it isn't there anymore to put in your coffee and you're sad, but when you go to the store you're like, "Oh hai milk." and the cycle repeats.
Z:*mind still blown*
J: This is where you say love isn't like milk.
Z: ....What if the cereal gets jealous?

It might be too soon to say but I think he solved my issues in one go.