Learning the trade.

SO I didn't go the fashion show. I was yelled at on first day in Trinidad, because people didn't collaborate together to make something work. But it's okay. I'm going to look up pictures and see that it's not as big as John Galliano's shows and feel better. Ash will have a good time. I probably won't see her for while I'm here. I probably won't see Ravi again, but that's how it's supposed to be. I'm too young for him and he's got a life. I just want to go out and party and drink till I can't stand up straight. LIke i did last summer....I just want to sleep. July 17th won't come soon enough. Like everything that's supposed to be good in my life, it's just a disappointment. I wish I brought my medication so I wouldn't have to feel anything.

Or better yet. That I had just waited to come down with my mom. Shame though, he was incredibly lovely to be around.


Jesse's just leading me on with coming here. So why am I so disappointed? MAybe this is what I get for not going to SFSU, for being the best that I could be. Day one of a fucked up month and a half complete.

Did I mention that I can't smoke because all the doors are locked with one pound heavy weights? Fun. My mood regulators are out.

Departure Part 1 (San Jose to LAX)

Sitting at the terminal an hour prior to boarding, I've begun to wonder. What made facebook popular? There's hardly a thing about it that would cause the entire population of computer consumers to freak out if it crashed, disappeared, died. It doesn't even allow for personality to shine through. It's a one size fits all type of of gig, and you know what's curious? If people actually stopped to think about it, they would see that they are exercising their herd mentality.

And who am I to sit on your fragile little dreams of individuality? Why, I'm the person who joins these social networking sites at a year before you even know it exists. Maybe that's why I have such a negative perspective. The second it becomes of remote interest to the general public I want out. It loses the value that made me fall in love with it in the first place.

I need a smoke before they send me up to the air. Ick. Designated smoking area? Airports are not smoker friendly.

The End of an Era

You know, this graduating business seems like tricky business. All the emotions tied to it, you'd think that I would feel something. But I don't. I've come to terms with my good byes, my disappointments, my brilliance radiating on the blessed few. It's over, let's move on. I'm finished.

But the thing that bothers me most of all, is that my entire high school career has gone full circle. Freshman year, I was in English class with three girls singing Yellow Submarine. Senior year, I was with those same girls singing Chasing Pavements. The boys who I fell for are almost a perfect mirror image of each other. The confidence, the way it shone, the way it died and the way it grew again, not to what it once, but better...it's all just astounding. And yet while that may seem trival to some of you, my looking too deep into things, it fits perfectly, because through it all, I did whatever it is that I wanted to do and the era of our youngin' days ending, just shows how much I need to cling to that.

Lovely. Now on to this traveling business.

I'm terrified. I've never traveled alone before and it's not like going you know, Florida or something. It's a different flippsy country. "Flippsy" here having the meaning of an explicative not an insult to the country and its cultural values. Trinidadians are entirely different from the people I know. How do I know this? Simple, the way my cousin behaved when she was here. Stranger comes up and chats you up, polite, open, warming. Our take on the same situation, is grab your purse, defend yourself verbally, and have 911 on speed dial. And why is that? I don't know. Seems silly now that I think about it. I'm also afraid that I won't be able to keep myself amused long enough before I start to yearn for human entertainment, like you know communication. And worsty of all! I'm getting sickish. My tummy has been upset all day and I can barely talk. *pouts*

I know right? Poor me.

Off to the librachie to get my read on. Au revior pets.